Now that I am an adult, it is somewhat easier dealing with my insecurities. As with any teenage girl going through puberty, I was VERY insecure about myself. I was depressed to the point where I would cry myself to sleep every night because I did not like who I saw when I looked into the mirror. I weighed 80lbs (+/-) in high school, and I weigh 85lbs (+/-) as a 21 year old adult. I was always skinny, my whole life, but for whatever reason (which I will reveal later) I could not accept it. How fun is it to roam through your best friends' or your older cousins' closet looking for cool things that you don't have? Well, I was never able to do that because all of my friends were what I considered to be 'normal' sized. Maybe it would have been easier for me to accept me for who I was if people wouldn't constantly state the obvious about me. "OMG you are so skinny," "Oh baby you need to eat," "I wonder what she's doing to stay so skinny." Really??
How would it make you feel to always having people pointing out what you considered to be your biggest flaw? In the media, the size 00 models are highly criticized for their unNATURAL appearances and the thick, J.Lo-esque type of figures are praised for having the courage to feel comfortable in their own skin. Now don't get me wrong, the size models who do 'things' to maintain their size and contracts is not okay by any means; And Jennifer Lopez is very beautiful, she is someone that I truly admire, she has a great body and she's not afraid to show it off. But even still, there are some gray areas. Where do the NATURALLY slim women come into play (especially in the African American community)? If you're skinny you're anorexic or bulimic and if you're a size 6 or more you are considered to be a real woman? This furthermore prevented me from accepting my NATURAL body shape.
Where was I supposed to fit in? I was made this way! I wanted so badly to have what people thought to be a nice body, I became obsessed with it. I would force myself to eat even if I wasn't hungry, I would eat late at night in bed (you know the old saying "don't eat before bed or else you'll get fat'), I drank weight gain protein shakes, weight gain pills, ate foods that I didn't even like because 'someone' said it would add a few pounds to my frame. I loved myself, I thought I was a smart girl, very driven with a good head on my shoulders, but even with all of those qualities I still felt that I was almost not good enough.
Then comes the guys, you won't believe how many times I have heard "She's skinny but she's fine," Why can't I just be "fine" or "beautiful?" My 'flaw' always has to be pointed out before a compliment is handed over. I would constantly feel like when I found a great guy that he would end up leaving me for someone who was thick and had more 'to hold on to.' I know that there is someone for everyone but I pray that I'm not left with scraping the bottom of the barrel for whatever guys are left just because I'm little! I want a hot sexy guy too! (This male blogger has a good head on his shoulders when it comes to this
topic!)
What men, women, and the entire world needs to understand is that people come in all shapes and sizes. Just because someone is a size 00 does not mean that she has an eating disorder, and just because someone is a size 10 does not define them as a 'real woman,' weighing in at 85lbs I will straight up tell you that I AM a real woman and I dare you tell me different! All women should be praised with their size not being a factor. Being naturally skinny is okay (guess how many times I had/have to tell myself that?!), and there are celebrities who are thin framed and proud of it who I admired more than words!
Zoe Saldana (I LOVE HER!!)
Miss Thandie Newton
And I am a perfect fit!
